WARNING: Contains very strong language....and it's very long
Okay, let's begin on the reason why I hate
my loser ex, who I deeply regret going out with.
1. His hair. Okay, it wasn't bad at the start. He was just a typical boy and obviously majority of boys don't do much with their hair. It was scruffy, but it looked cool, but then he had to cut it because he wanted to get it short so he can spike it up. It was fair enough, but instead of a cool spiked up look that most men had, it looked like A FREAKIN BOX! Not kidding. I don't know how his hair stood up in straight strands like that, but it looked hideous, and it made his forehead look huge.
2. Ugliness. Big mouth and googly looking eyes. Ew.
3. He drank too much. Seriously, whenever we'd just have a night in (either at mine or his), instead of buying a four-pack or a six-pack (even an eight-pack would be acceptable), he would always buy a HUGE CRATE OF BEER and he'd go through more than half of it as the night went on. I would only manage to have about four or five and then I'd have enough for the night, but he would just go through beer after beer, and claim he can "handle his drink" when he obviously can't.
4. He was TOO LOUD. I swear, he could never control his volume, because when he spoke sometimes, it sounded like he was practically shouting. His mum and his friends pointed this out, by the way, and so have I. Once, we were in my room having somewhat of a heart-to-heart conversation. He was telling me about how he attempted suicide once because he felt like no one wanted him around. I felt sorry for him, until he practically shouted "I got a knife and sliced my wrist!" I got really angry, because there were other people at the house at the time, so I told him to stop speaking so loud. End of heart-to-heart.
5. Touching me in public. I'll give you a few examples of this one.
Smacking my ass by the police station when I bent down to tie my shoe lace (A man actually saw this as well)
Touching and grabbing my ass and boobs in town
Kept wanting me to thrust him when we hugged
Once said loudly in the park when we were sitting down: "I love it when you squeeze my balls!"
6. Always asked me to jerk him off. Whenever we'd be in my room and I'd go downstairs for a second or two or to the bathroom, I'd come back and find these hideous silky purple gloves he bought for me (I hated them, but I didn't want to tell him at the time) on the bed, meaning he would want me to jerk him off wearing those stupid gloves. I wished I burnt those fucking things when I broke up with him, but I already threw them away when I was throwing things out of my room for it to be redecorated. Oh well...
7. He made me CRINGE. Whenever he'd try to be funny, half the time I'd fake laugh, because instead of actually finding it funny, I'd cringe. Examples:
His stupid Lee Evans "I'll have the chicken!" impression. He would dance around like a chicken and go "I'll have the chicken! I'll have the chicken!" I pretended to laugh, but inside I was going "Shut the fuck up, you moron!"
His pathetic voice impressions and how he'd have
to quote the WHOLE FUCKING SCENE of the film. An example was when he did the whole scene of the "suck my balls" part from the South Park movie.
He'd sing out of nowhere. He has a horrible voice.
Also, I should mention before I move on, that all of this was in public. And, this one time when he was having a smoke by my front door, he started doing the impressions to himself (I heard him from inside) It made him look like a fucking mental patient.
8. Taking my sarcasm and OVER USING IT
I used to have a certain phrase for sarcasm (which I don't use anymore thanks to him) which was "Well done. What else did you learn today?" He'd take that and use it on nearly EVERYTHING, to the point where it wasn't funny anymore. Once, near Christmas time, we were texting each other whilst he was at a friend's. He was telling me about that Christmas film "Elf" and how he hadn't seen it yet. I told him he should (It's one of my favorite Christmas films), and he replied with "Yeah I know I know I should. What else did you learn today?" Really? Fucking REALLY? Talk about a COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE moment to use sarcasm! Also, he'd clap slowly when I'd tell him just a simple thing like "I managed to do this today"
9. Speaking of texting, HE COULD NEVER TYPE PROPERLY. I understood most of them, but fucking hell, some of it didn't make sense! There had been a few times where I've told him to say that again, because I didn't understand. Also, just for the laughs, let me send you the last text he ever sent me. IT MAKES NO SENSE:
"I found ot u was planning on dumpin me on sunday thank u glad i gt there sorry i cudnt da love of life i really loved u but u just da best thin eva"
Yeah, I can't make out what the brain-dead cunt is saying either.
10. He was racist and horrible towards people with mental disabilities. Once, we were watching "The Shining" at my house and when he saw Dick Hallorann wearing a red hat, he said "Strawberry chocolate anyone?" Another time, he admitted to me that he hates people with down syndrome and then another time, he was mimicking someone who had a disability. I wanted to punch that scumbag.
11. His laugh. AAARGGHH! Make it stop!
12. His mum does EVERYTHING FOR HIM! He's 26 years old! Yet he still needs his mum to wipe the dribble off his chin. On the day we broke up and I came home from University, she fucking rang up our home and told my mum about me telling him to go fuck himself. HE'S TWENTY SIX! Yet he gets his mummy involved. Who the hell does that as adults!? Seriously, the last time I had a mum call up mine was when I was about eleven! What a fucking baby!
13. Kept labeling me as a goth. I am not goth. I am more emo/skater/punk (I don't label myself though) He'd constantly go on saying "Yeah, I don't have a problem with goth girls", even though I'd tell him I'm NOT GOTH. He'd always want me to wear this particular outfit (which funny enough, was given to me as a present by my ex before him), which was a red and black corset with a matching skirt (Sorry, no costume porn intended) It was a nice outfit, but it was mostly worn for special occasions or nights out. Anyway, whenever we'd plan to meet up on just a normal day in town, he'd go "Oh yeah dare ya to wear your corsitt (he said corset like that) and skirt" I never listened though. Ha! Ha!
14. Bringing up my ex (Call him D) ALL THE TIME. Sure, I'd tell him about things I didn't like about my ex before him (though if I had to choose between one of them, I would choose D), but then he'd just have to bring him up in nearly EVERY CONVERSATION. It got a bit vain, cause he'd go "I bet I'm a better kisser than that twat D" He never met D, by the way (but I guess boyfriends are meant to hate exes) but it got to the point where I just wanted to say "Can we stop talking about him now?" Also, he'd bring up this scrawny guy I never went out with and say "Oh yeah, you'd rather go out with me than him"
15. When we first got together, he said "I bet you've never loved someone as much as you loved me" HAHAHA! Actually, Mr.Ugly fucking retard, I DESPISE you.
16. Girls fighting turned him on, and he'd go on about how he wanted to see me fight with a girl (mostly over him) Even though I told him I don't like fighting, he'd say, "Oi, so what would you do if you saw another girl flirting with me?" I'd tell him that I'd obviously tell the girl to back off, but I wouldn't fight her physically. He then said he liked watching girls fight. I understand it can be entertaining, but turning him on?.....What the fuck?
17. Lastly, HIS FRIENDS.
OHMYGOD, why did I waste time with those losers he called friends? It's funny, because him and his friends go on and on about how they're all "fighters" and that they'll "stand their ground no matter how hard life gets" (All that cliche shit basically), yet when something simple happens (mostly a break up), they cry and cry about it on Facebook saying shit like "I'm crying my heart out right now and I've just punched the walls! BAAAAAWWWWW!!" A lot of them were really horrible too. Example:
A: Fat bitch who thinks she's the queen of the world and her fat stuck up ass doesn't "approve" of anything.
M: An annoying cunt who STALKED MY FUCKING Facebook profile and put comments on practically EVERYTHING I posted! An example was when my friend tagged me and him in a Bitstrip cartoon picture of me and him singing rock songs in the bedroom. Anyway, we got in to an innocent conversation about who the cartoon girl in the poster looked like, since we couldn't figure out whether it was Miley Cyrus or P!nk (we agreed on P!nk in the end, since we like her a lot better) M then commented saying "I don't like this flirting" My friend was NOT flirting with me. How the fuck is having a conversation about a girl in the poster flirting? Anyway, both me and my friend told him he wasn't flirting, and he replied with "No flirting....bullshit" My friend messaged me about it (we agreed he was a complete dick) and in the end, he removed the comments. Also, two days after I broke up with the ex, me, my two friends and her brother were going around CEX looking at the DVDs they had. M saw me there and started FOLLOWING ME AROUND trying to start conversation with me. I was getting really pissed off and just wanted to tell him to get lost. Oh, and he's about thirty five, by the way, and he acts like a fucking School kid (especially with the inappropriate sex comments on Facebook)
MP: Another immature douche who's meant to be nearly forty (and he has a child) He held a huge grudge against me just because he saw me in town once and I didn't say hi to him. I never saw him, and he accused me of "blanking him" My ex even said he wanted me to apologize to him. Yeah, how about FUCK OFF. He's meant to like twenty years older, and he's holding a stupid fucking grudge like that?
C (MP's girlfriend): A stupid bitch who thinks she's all mature and great because she has a toddler. I wasn't allowed to go back to their house after I apparently left rubbish in their living room without throwing it away. Why the hell would I do that? I ALWAYS throw it away, and if I don't know where the bin is, I ask. Plus, how could she know it was me? It could have been anyone!
CP: A pathetic arrogant chav who finds an excuse to throw angry hissy fits so it makes him look "hard" On Halloween night, him, his girlfriend, my friend and her boyfriend wanted to go to Brenchly Gardens. I didn't want to go because it was cold, raining a little and normally at night there would be dodgy people hanging around. He got all pissy and was like "What? You're scared just to go to the park?" and he ended up walking away to the park in a strop. I felt like shouting "Really!? You're throwing a bitch fit just because you can't get your own way? Grow up!!"
W: Yet another immature cunt who's meant to be in his thirties, but acts like a teenage chav. (He also has god knows how many children who are all in care) He basically stereotyped that all people who listen to Slipknot (or similar bands) all want to kill themselves. Basically, I was having a conversation with him and the ex about music, then he suddenly says "All Slipknot do is scream about how they want to kill themselves!" I wanted to punch that cunt in the face, because I have a friend who attempted suicide a few years ago (who is all well now luckily), and yet he says something like that! He was basically mocking suicide and people who feel that way. I know I shouldn't hold grudges, but I can't let go what he said about that, the disrespectful cunt.
B: A friend of my ex and also my friend's ex boyfriend. This dickhead threatened my friend shortly after they broke up, yet he's apparently an ex cop.
Okay, it's finally over, and we've come to seventeen wonderful points about what I hated about my ex. It's actually surprising how I dealt with him for so long, especially when there's so much I despised about him.
Anyway, that's all. Love, peace and apple sauce guys!